A new year

A new year is an odd thing. Today is only one day more than yesterday, but when enough yesterdays go by we call the lot of them by another name. It's a bit like the decimal number system - ones, tens, hundreds, thousands, etc - only in time units. Day, week, month, year, decade, century. There are more obscure denominations, such as fortnight or leap year.

But a new year.... I think we humans like to make rituals. They help us remember. Personally I'm glad that something bigger than my own circumstances insists that I pause, even if only slightly, now and again. Actually, I deeply miss down time. Time to just take off, alone, away from the driving demands of life, and think. Think? Well, yes, think, but also to just be. Be quiet, be still, be aware. The new year, that phrase, suggests something is starting again. And yes, in a real sense it is, as we feel the days gradually lengthening again from the movement of the earth through its orbit around the sun. But though we have done this trip before, it's never been exactly this one. The sun is in a different place in space, and so is the earth. It doesn't ride on a fixed track. In that sense, today is new year's day and tomorrow will be too. And so will be the day after that.

Still, it's nice to have a marker that says, Restart here. From this day you can make another year of plans. Begin fresh. Take a new run at what you haven't yet accomplished that you really want to do. Start over. Try again. Live in hope that no matter what your past the future can be different. Or even, now is a time you can make a change. You don't have to keep doing the same thing this year; try something new.

I am a spousal caregiver. I am a father. I am a business owner/operator.

Caregiver. That label has circumscribed my life for a decade. For almost that long it has determined how far I can travel. I have not slept a night away from home in about 8 years. I have put my whole being into giving care to my wife. Today I was told by a friend who has observed me the past 6 years that he has never seen anyone put more of himself into his family that I do. Although most of that time self-employment has provided a decent to comfortable income, overall this past year was extremely difficult. I appear now to be on the cusp of several things, and a little nudge in the right direction could rewrite our family's financial history. But I am starving for time and for connection. And I and my family need some financial stability. This week, perhaps, probably, I find out whether I am to be offered a position for which I interviewed almost 3 weeks ago. I want the opportunity to make a choice, the choice to accept or decline the offer. If I don't get that choice, though, there are other things in motion that appear to be starting to flower.

Happy new year. Today, and every day.