Yesterday

I'm up early, after lying in bed awake for almost an hour. So I made some guacamole, sliced a tomato, and made sandwiches with bakery rolls for breakfast. Accompanied with cold cider, it was a feast.

Last night I barely finished 40 billable hours for last week, and this morning I get to start all over again. Additionally, there are bills to be paid, children to be gotten off to school, and other paperwork to do for business, some of which doesn't move the client's work forward at all.

Increasingly I find the question "what's it all for" nagging at the corners of my mind. Even when I sit down with Karen or take time for play with Julia and Kris there is a combined sense of both duty in the moment and pressure to get on to the next thing. Not every time, but far too often, in my opinion. And also too often I'm so tired that stopping like that is just a segue into sleep.

Yesterday I slept a lot. I was just about to leave for the grocery store about 10am when Karen sent a text message request for tea. So I made a cup for us both and we shared a few minutes before kids and cats also came to join us. Then I napped for a while. I woke, then slept again. Shortly after 3pm I received a call from my client's project manager in Japan, so I spent the next hour taking and making phone calls, reviewing drawings, and sorting out field changes for the construction project. Finally I got to discuss the grocery list with Karen, but by now Karen really did need to eat, so I cooked more noodles and heated left over Beef Borginion, and fixed some dinner for the kids as well. Once Julia and Kris had food, I took plates into the bedroom for Karen and me. We ate and watched an episode of "Real Time with Bill Maher".

Most of the day I'd been just too tired to wake up and do anything. Finally I was awake, had a grocery list, had everyone fed, and was ready to go to the grocery store. As many times as I'd already put Julia off from the trip to the store, it would have been too cruel to tell her she had to stay home now. And anyway, it wasn't yet time to ready for bed. So Julia, Kris, and I headed off to Kroger shortly after 7pm. Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, the kids were in bed by 9pm--a bit late, but OK. I did a bit more work, then just took some time for myself before finally going to bed.

This is background information; I don't know how I want to put the real point of the post in words yet, so that will have to be another post I guess. But I think the stage must be in place for proper context or the communication isn't so clear.